Finding it hard to relate
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Communication & Sexual Issues
Many people experience challenges in their relationships over time. Most often, people feel that they have lost themselves to the relationship. This is an extremely disconcerting realisation.
It is, however, not the truth. In reality, they have lost the connection to their true self, their essential nature, and with that are experiencing a disconnect from their loved ones. This happens over time, throughout our lives, and causes us to live from patterns and programmes.
By reconnecting to your true self in the Spiritual Awakening process, you get to experience harmony within yourself, as well as in your reality. With that, you are able to overcome the challenges in your relationships, whether in terms of communication, attachment or sexual connection.
Codependancy
All of us learned how to form attachments to friends, family, and loved ones growing up — but not all of us learned equally healthy ways of relating to people.
The family systems we grew up in demonstrated to us how to form bonds.
While some people learned how to have healthy attachments to people in our lives, others learned codependency based on how they were treated and cared for or neglected. This is what psychologists refer to as attachment theory.
If caregivers were absent, dismissed your emotions, or taught you that you needed to act a specific way to earn love and approval, there’s a good chance you may be codependent in your relationships.
Therefore, codependent people learn to put the needs of others ahead of their own and will sacrifice their needs and principles in order to maintain relationships. Said another way, they lose themselves to their relationships.
People who are codependent feel a strong pull toward validation and self-worth from others.
Therapists who spoke to Healthline agree that the best kind of relationship to aim for is interdependency, which is where both partners value the emotional bond and benefits of the relationship but can maintain a separate sense of self and personal happiness.
Simply learning how to be more independent is not as simple as deciding to change the kinds of relationships you have.
Codependency can be hinged on attachment trauma. This can lead a person to question if they’re loved and worthy, if others are and can be available and responsive to them, and if the world is safe for them.
These emotions are being triggered even more than usual right now because of the pandemic, according to Usatynski.
“Using your partner as a way to have an identity is an unhealthy form of dependency,” Judy Ho, PhD, clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, tells Healthline. “If your partner is thriving, so are you. If your partner fails, then you do too.”
She explains further, “You do everything to try to keep your partner happy. You keep saving them from self-destructive acts or clean up all their messes to try to get them to stay in the relationship.”
This self-sacrificing nature is typical of codependency and can lead to significant relational issues.
“You are so afraid of losing your partner that you would put up with terrible, even abusive, behaviors from them just to keep them in your life,” Ho explains.
Attachment Trauma
| Attachment style | How you show up | Examples |
| Dismissive-avoidant | You tend to be distant from others in order to hide your true feelings and avoid rejection. | burying yourself in your work to create distance between yourself and others; withdrawing from your relationships when conflict arises |
| Anxious-preoccupied | You tend to feel more insecure in relationships, fearful of being alone. | becoming “clingy” when things are difficult with a partner; assuming the worst, like a loved one might be sick or is likely to leave |
| Anxious-avoidant | You crave closeness with others, but withdraw when things become serious or intimate. | pushing people away when they try to take care of you, testing their loyalty; being overly critical of partners to justify leaving |
Experiencing codependency and unhealthy attachment styles doesn’t mean you’re a lost cause.
You actually can unlearn these patterns. It starts with building your self-concept outside of and apart from others. For some of us (especially those with dismissive-avoidant traits), this also means detangling our sense of self-worth from our careers, too.
To be able to have healthy, mutually loving relationships, we need to be able to put the parts of our brain seeking safety at ease by cultivating that security within ourselves, rather than externally.
“Doing self-reflection and getting to know yourself better by developing hobbies and doing things independently is really helpful for that,” says Ho.
Once you know yourself better, you can learn to be present with yourself and to trust yourself to nurture and take care of your own needs.
Attachment trauma can be a deep wound that, if you’ve carried it with you throughout life, can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, Ho explains. How can you begin to heal it?
Going back to your younger years and rewriting your “abandonment story” can help you heal from attachment wounds, including codependency. “Visualize your inner child being healed, cared for, and loved, as a start,” says Ho.
No matter your attachment traumas, the underlying fear is that people won’t be able to tend to your needs consistently and regularly — sometimes it may even feel as though you simply need (or are) too much.
This is why the most important work you can do first is actually with yourself, to unlearn thoughts and feelings that are harming you.
Despite your past experiences, it’s possible to have relationships in which everyone’s needs are prioritized and reciprocated — and this is exactly what you deserve and deserved all along.
By approaching your trauma rather than turning away from it, you can begin to build relationships with people that are mutually healthy, respectful, and caring.
Sexual Dysfunction
Sexual dysfunction occurs when you have a problem that prevents you from wanting or enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction is different from asexuality. It can happen anytime. People of all ages experience sexual dysfunction, although the chances increase as you age.
Stress is a common cause of sexual dysfunction. Other causes include:
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At Soulscape Awakening, we teach you how to overcome the stress and anxiety associated with sexual dysfunctions, by helping you to reconnect to your true self which is not affected by such challenges.
When does a bad night become a disorder?
Four categories of sexual dysfunction exist. It’s normal not to be in the mood sometimes. None of these should be considered a disorder unless it happens regularly and significantly affects your sexual life:
- Desire disorder is when you have little or no interest in sexual relations on an ongoing basis.
Libido Lowdown
Low testosterone can cause a loss of libido, or sexual desire for any person.
For those with female reproductive organs, other contributing
factors include:
- hormonal changes following childbirth
- breast-feeding
- menopause
Other causes include:
- high blood pressure
- diabetes
- certain medications
- relationship problems
- sexual inhibitions
- stress
- fatigue
- a fear of pregnancy
Sexual dysfunction in penises: Erectile dysfunction (ED)
ED occurs when a penis cannot get or stay erect to engage in intercourse.
This can occur due to:
a problem with blood flow
a nerve disorder
an injury to the penis
psychological problems, like stress or depression
relationship issues
Peyronie’s disease
chronic illness
some medications
Ongoing ED can cause anxiety.
Sexual dysfunction in penises: Ejaculation disorders
Premature ejaculation is ejaculation that happens before or immediately after penetration. This is often a consequence of performance anxiety.
It can also be due to:
- other psychological stressors
- sexual inhibitions
- nerve damage
- spinal cord damage
- certain medications
Impaired ejaculation occurs when you can’t ejaculate at all. Retrograde ejaculation can happen in people with penises, particularly in those who also have diabetic neuropathy.
During orgasm, ejaculation enters the bladder instead of exiting out of the penis. Although this doesn’t cause major medical issues, it can impair fertility. You should see your doctor about it if you have it.
Sexual dysfunction in vaginas: Pain and discomfort
Many things can cause pain during sexual activity. Inadequate lubrication and tense vaginal muscles make penetration painful. Involuntary vaginal muscle spasms, or vaginismus, can make intercourse hurt. These may be symptoms of neurological, urinary tract, or bowel disorders.
The hormonal changes of menopause can make intercourse uncomfortable. A drop in estrogen levels can result in thinning of the skin in the genital area. It can also thin the vaginal lining and decrease lubrication.
Sexual dysfunction in vaginas: Difficulty having an orgasm
Stress and fatigue are the enemies of orgasm. So are pain and discomfort during sexual activity. Achieving orgasm may not be possible when your sex drive is low or when your hormones are out of whack.
According to Harvard Medical School, the norm for female sexual response isn’t easily measurable and is based on quality. Basically, you don’t have sexual dysfunction if you’re satisfied with your sex life, even if you don’t have orgasms.
If you are having struggles in your relationship or sexual connection, please contact us so we can help you to overcome your challenges and return to a healthy, optimal state of functioning.